"We accept the love we think we deserve"

First of all, this is not a book review. Second, this is a blog post about *deep breath* emotions... and feelings (LOL JOKE). I just finished reading the book The Perks of Being a Wallflower by author Stephen Chbosky, and it left me feeling lost. For sure a lot of people, dead or alive, had already read it and probably blogged about it, and I can't blamed them because the book is just fantastic-Fantastic enough to leave me at a desperate and psychologically unstable (nah, just exaggerating) state. The last book that left me with so much angst was Never let me go by Kazuo Ishiguro, and I swear I still feel a bit of those pain even if I read it several months ago.


The word that popped out of my mind when I tried to describe this book is poignant. Poignant, meaning it's powerful enough to affect me, yet passive cause the effect is not that instant. I remember feeling this 'lost' melancholic way when I read Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger in December of 2009. Just like Catcher, I felt that messy depressed sensation, however unlike Catcher this story affected me like 5 hours or something after I read it. It gave me this feeling where I ask myself: "So, what's next?" and "Will there be anything to be considered as 'next'?" Because of that, I'm sure the book has been effective to remind me of pain.

This book reminded me of pain, which is not really a bad thing. I've learned in this book to acknowledge how you feel, to cry when you feel like it, and to go move on. Like what Charlie said :"because things change. and friends leave. and life doesn't stop for anybody", life goes on, but of course a person must fully understand and accept the past and move on... since the only way to go is to go forward. And by then, I bet it will feel infinite.

Nah, I didn't edit these photos to appear even more nostalgic :) They're originally black and white :) Oh How I miss 2nd year college :3 The fact that it gave me and my friends less stress than what we've experienced this previous sem (and prolly way way lesser than what we'll be facing). Though, I remember I hated that 2nd year 1st sem , since I was quite heartbroken before... and then I met Anton in P.E. class :)  ajijijiji :))) I'll get back to that soon...:)... anyway...

I suddenly begin to wonder what would my future self think of me? I mean, what would she say if she suddenly find herself reading this blog? Would she laugh? Would she cringe for the fact that she took a lot of crazy loony photos? I wonder if she'll be proud of me... I hope she does :) Since that's the main purpose why I've decided to blog, I wanted her to remember how she was as a young person, how she was when she's stuck with loads of both petty and deep troubles... Oh how I wonder what would she think of me... Because when I was looking through my high school photos, I felt proud of how I was when I was younger:) though if I could, I'd definitely tell my younger self to not worry much and that she's beautiful even if she doesn't have suitors :) HAHAHAHA! Oh and... I'm thankful she decided to go against the current :)

Perhaps that's the reason why I'm not even disappointed of the fact that no one reads this blog (well, there's prolly one or two people who does, and I'm really flattered already by that =3 ), because my main purpose is not to impress other people, but to impress myself (especially future Nicole and her future kids)... so yeah :) Happiness :3

I have the highest Prelim grade in Advertising in our class :)








...yun lang :)