I’ve noticed how my mood swings are… severe. One moment I’m very happy (hehehe crush), then the next I feel weepy. It’s weird really, though I don’t think I’m suffering from any psychological problem or anything (I would know though, my psych friend would tell me pronto). However I’m pretty sure I’m just being put to a test… like always. 

I know it’s beyond bad to complain to God about these problems, because for sure this is his way to remind me that he’s there, I’m just too foolish for not seeking him. Though, if I were to be honest right now… I’m tired. I’m tired of always seeking temporary highs to forget. It’s stupid to be so caught up from the past, that you cannot find pure happiness every time you take a step forward, being near to a future that is so uncertain. I feel so daft for still feeling this way, when supposedly I’m very good at controlling my emotions. This time, I think I fail myself in that department… as a result, I feel lost even more than I was before.

 But I shouldn’t be tired. Everything has a purpose. This is part of God’s plan, and for sure he made a promising one for me. I mean right now, he showered me a lot of blessings, I must be very thankful and stop being melodramatic. Though, all I ask for him right now is to help me just move on, and see the bigger picture instead of stressing about the million puzzle pieces scattered. For sure, someday if ever I stumble upon this I’ll probably just laugh at myself…and maybe (just maybe) by that time, God has already given me the person who will love me and accept me flaws and all. I must keep the faith on-going, even though there’s hurt inside, for sure there will be a light. 

and one last thing…
 ”I keep on seeing signs telling me to forgive others, and most importantly forgive myself. I know I’ve done a lot of bad things, but I’m making up for all of it. At the end of the day, the bad things I did do not define me… because I know, I’m a good person, you just fail to see it.”